Fun with babelfish

15 Nov

Some say “Last Cow Jack” was just another boyish face in a police lineup, but I once saw him trade his whole family for three chickpeas. Jack had never forgiven his mother for giving birth to him. He said later he wanted to hold out for some Garbanzos but they wouldn’t let him use words that big.

Having never been a fan of heights, he opted for the sawmill approach when the leguminous Petronas presented itself. Down came some poultry that worked for Fort Knox, the first autoharp ever to live up to its name, and the Big Guy with the rhymes. Big Guy took it pretty hard, having barely been introduced to the ground before they were forced to spend quality time together.

Jack wasn’t too cozy with the pocket protector crowd after that, having taken out the world’s first space tower with a 50cc Black and Decker. The eggs turned out to be electroplated, and the harp only knew Wagner pieces with racist undertones. But Jack turned the crater from the Big Guy’s high-speed dirt nap into a wave pool, and now the village’s tourism industry offsets the sales tax. Everybody and their dog is staying gluten-free, which means beans with every meal, but Jack’s harvest will probably outlast the iPhone 7.


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