Archive | Being a Dad RSS feed for this section

Behold! I am half minotaur, half man!

7 Nov

I don’t really have anything to write about tonight, but I came up with this joke earlier today and thought I’d open with it. I realize now that hardly describes what I have done here. My son was playing with some toy figures today and pulled out a bald eagle, proclaiming it a hipogriff. I immediately quipped, “It’s half-hipogriff, half eagle!” My dry, high-brow humor often goes unappreciated during playtime. Just like Bob Newhart.

My word count still suffers. I won’t go into details.

But did I tell you we’re selling our house? Yeah, we’re going to move across town, in between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We thought it wise to use that half-hour lull between the holidays, rather than some other time when we were too busy.

Oh and I’m sick. Coughing a lot, feeling tired, getting sore. Probably the hantavirus.

But the abuse to my M.C. continues! Since joining the mole clan (not really, that’s just plain silly. They’re a cabal.) he’s been introduced to a couple of tough characters, both of whom hate him, and one agitated geek who likes him – but is about to electrocute him, mildly. For security reasons, of course. John (my M.C.) isn’t crazy about this, but figures it’s preferable to being abandoned in the maze of tunnels with no light, food, or Walkman.

The hoops you have to jump through to make friends in the future! It is a sad state of affairs. I’m thinking these grumps haven’t updated their Facebook status in weeks.

Will John pass the “friendship exam”? Or die trying? Or just be put into a vegetative state? All these questions and less will be answered – tomorrow!

Politics in Sleepytown

6 Nov

I wrote a little bit earlier today. Sat down and typed on the iPad during my daughter’s gymnastics class. Got derailed by a friendly mom who found we shared some legitimate parenting trials.

Sat down at my computer tonight, completely ready to ignore the whole election theater and just write. In Nate Silver I trust. My significant other had other plans (to watch the coverage on NBC! Get your mind out of the gutter.).

Now it’s a quarter to midnight, America makes marginal sense for another four years, and my 7-year-old boy has just come upstairs to say “hello”. I told him he could rest easy, Obama won. His look conveyed more bleary-eyed confusion than hope for humanity. He has his own wisdom.

Like asking me why I stay up so late after he goes to bed at 8:00. That one usually stumps me. Trying to finish this little post in the dark while he tries to fall back asleep in bed next to me, and I hope some of the things I do make sense some of the time.

Goodnight America. Sleep tight.

Voice recognition software saves the day (!) (?) ಠ_ಠ

5 Nov

So, I admit, I’m a little behind in my word count. Not far, but I do wish I were on top of things. Most of the other writers in the Epic Month of Blog Posts are sailing along, many far in excess of their quota.

Kudos to you, other writers! In all sincerity. (Take it when you can get it; it doesn’t show up often.)

I’m plodding through my world-building, right-turn story line at the moment, and it’s – uh, what’s the word?

Yeah, a lot like that. A lot of staring at the screen this past hour or so.

In an effort to increase speed, I decided to turn on my Dragon Naturally Speaking software. Anyone ever use this to write? This is my first time. I think I recommend it – if one has something to write, that is. I’ve used it plenty for recording handwritten stories, and the kinks are mostly worked out. It does type much faster than I can.

But it can’t help me figure out what to write next. And here’s that plotting issue again. Okay, I’m just going to call it “thinking about the story at times other than when you’re writing it”. Well, I’ll call it that this once. Now I’ll go back to calling it “plotting”.

But – but – I’m a stay-at-home dad! I just got the lyrics for “Never Smile At a Crocodile” out of my head half an hour ago! I’m lucky to have fifteen consecutive seconds for my own thoughts at any time before eight P.M.! Do you know how much world building you can do in fifteen second increments throughout the day? Exactly! Yo Gabba Gabba!

Seriously, for those of you who haven’t tried it, having kids will bestow you with daily discoveries of the bounds of sanity. Have you ever had a conversation that goes something like the following?

[Thinking to self, censoring for sake of innocent ears that cannot hear thoughts] “Where the heck is that credit card? I swanee to Jebus I just had it in my hand. Thirty seconds ago. Not even. Took it out of my wallet, set it down on my desk. Right there. Went to get the phone… I think I put it on my desk. Oh, Jiminy Christmas, I could have left it anywhere on the way to the phone.” [checks wallet for 7th time] “Maybe…” [checks all pockets for 7^2th time] “Gee willickers, I just…” [checks all horizontal surfaces within house googolplex times] “Fine. I’ve lost my mothersmurfin’ mind. There’s nothing left. I live in a haze of doubt and uncertainty. Wow, the next forty years are going to be a real crapshoot. I wonder how much longer I’ll be able to dress myself.”

[Small child, eyes full of wondrous possibility] “Daddy, look at my new bookmark! I found it on your desk!”

Some days it’s like that.

Not that I mind much.

(BTW, since I haven’t mentioned it yet, the whole “pantsing vs. plotting” issue was brought to light for me by Storywonk, a brilliant podcast to which I owe a great deal of my writing know-how. I’m not sure Lani and Alistair want that praise, but there it is. (BTBTW, I haven’t mentioned it because the only people that come to this site are probably all directly from Storywonk, since EpMoBloPo started in their forums. Now you know. (As if you didn’t before.)))